This January the biological journey came to a head. We had dabbled in some fertility methods between August & December- IUI, Clomid, Letrozole, more testing...all to no avail. Then in January I decided to see a naturopath who specialized in acupuncture (something my OB recommended over a year ago) and started down that route. Along the way he explicitly told me that he didn't think I'd be pregnant in the next three months and that his main goal for me would be to forget about getting pregnant...I told him that would be a miracle. But, in January with my RAW & RUNNING challenge as a distraction and a hiatus from the fertility clinic I was able to keep my mind off of it a bit but was certainly reminded of our infertility when my cycle was a shocking 24 days long- ugh. The only encouraging discovery my nautropath made was that I have a genetic mutation (MTHFR) which has been linked to miscarriage, depression, Alzheimer, and a whole list of other things. Not that I have had any known miscarriages but I figured the supplement I needed to take to manage this was well worth it.
February rolled around again and with it a Bible study at my church...a study of the Patriarchs and I was confronted once again with the story of Abraham, the Father of Faith. What is it about this story? What is God trying to teach me through Abraham? We were asked if we believed in miracles and my tank for belief in these sorts of God given gifts was running a bit low. But Beth Moore reminded me very sweetly that when a situation hits the "impossible" category then it might be prime time for the "God show."
"He wants to make absolutely sure that we know He's the one who fulfills divine promises."
And then my period didn't start, well, I had some spotting which isn't normal for me, but I had just had that weird cycle so who knows what was going on with my body. I was resolved NOT to take a pregnancy test until day 34 (there have been a handful of times in the last 2 years where my cycle was longer than normal but all tests came back negative and like clockwork my period started on day 33.) So, day 34 it was (still spotting) and low and behold it was also mine and Jeff's 5th wedding anniversary. I thought...here goes nothing, either this will be a sweet anniversary gift or at least I'll be able to drink wine on our dinner date...
I'd given up on those analog pregnancy tests long ago...I need digital...and on that anniversary morning I saw the word I've been so longing to see...2 years and 2 months later...PREGNANT! Could it be true? But what's with this spotting? I was so filled with joy and robbed of it at the same time...fear swooped in and gave Satan his opportunity. I told family we were pregnant but it was always accompanied with, "but I've had some bleeding...so we'll just have to see."
Somewhere along the way I was prayed for by a friend and felt the LORD saying...this faith journey isn't over, I'm pursuing you and this bleeding is just my way of calling you back to me, asking you to trust me through it all, getting pregnant isn't the end of your story. It truly is a luxury to have modern medicine, but what does it do to my faith? I'm not going to lie, I wait impatiently for each doctors appointment, each ultrasound and heart monitor to confirm that there is indeed an amazing little life growing inside me...and praise the LORD, there is! But I also need to remember the lessons I've learned these past 2 years, that God is the author of our story and that he can write it even better than I can, even if I want to help him with his "writers block" every once in awhile. ;)
I have loved looking back at last years posts and seeing now the answer to prayer and knowing how much I've grown because I will admit that after writing those posts I thought for sure God would grant me my hearts desire...that he would be satisfied with my "aha" moment...but he had bigger plans for me, and he still does!
Lord willing, we will be holding a healthy baby in our arms by Nov. 5th and we are beyond thrilled that the LORD is indeed gracious and we give Him all the glory. Thank you dear friends for all your prayers and love along the way and thank you for forgiving me when I've failed too.
We ask for your continued prayer as we journey through this next chapter and become a family of 4!
[Posting this now, just one day shy of completing my first trimester and 5 days away from my next OB appt. is yet another leap of faith for me...but this story is being written and I thought it was about time to share.]